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Monday, July 28, 2008 || 4:28 PM
At the beginning of his struggle, the Warrior says: “I have dreams.”
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)
Well, i have dreams too....and soon i'll embark on realizing it....
its a little too late (I've been trying to live up to expectations of the society and my parents for the last 22 yrs...) and now...finally i'm taking the first step for myself....
to give justice to my parents...they were not really very demanding...and they do not set rigid or high expectations for me.... i just have to achieve what is deem fit as "ok"........like getting grades that allows me get a degree..... and.....dun steal..lie (which is hard)....dun be rude.....have manners ...etc...they didnt ask for the moon....cuz they know i wont want to do it....i'll rebel...
they gave me huge freedom......to excel in things that other parents may not like their kids to.....i took part in all kinds of CCAs... gymnastics, skipping, dance, track and field, table tennis....been the "activist" in school...challenging all i thought was inappropriate.... i bet all these created tonnes of worries for my mum and dad....but they chose to keep quiet and hope things dun get out of hand..... good grades were all they asked....and of course...i cant be a "lian" or gangster....
i need not consult them on my choice of degree course....the part time job i'm gonna get..... or even the career that i have now chosen.... i tell them after i've decided.....just like how it has always been for my hoilday trips, my decision to do a course with oklahoma city uni, everything i did...almost 80% is up to myself.....phew....i just realized....
but still.....i'm their kid....i'm living in singapore where everything is best at status quo.. and so....i cant be too crazy in my ideas..my speech....my doings and my dreams.....i have to make sure what i'm doing is still within the "sane" and not the "insane".... i need to make sure my dad's depression dun act up again...and my mum's blood pressure wont shoot up suddenly.... all the considerations bind me...... and so for the last 22 years, with the large amt of freedom....i do things "correctly"....but soon...after i got my degree....i'm gonna embark on my dreams....
"two roads diverged in a woods, and i-
i took the one less traveled by,
and that had made all the difference."
~ ROBERT FORST
i'm not selfish.....but i need to do what my heart has been telling me to....these are not the "wrong" things (morally)...just more exciting..different (by def: you'll raise your eyebrow when i tell you....) inconvenient and insane("you crazy?" you joking?!") stuff................
*i bet my parents know that their gal is not born to live a life like theirs.
Friday, July 18, 2008 || 5:05 PM
not sure if it'll really happen.....anyway..here it goes:
- 24 a job i like, got my basic french cert..send them to
Taiwan-25 a car and
Europe trip (backpack),
triathlon-26
TCM course and advance french
-27 still doing the job i like...send them to ???
-28 "wife" and Europe trip (one month)
|| 4:45 PM
I'll try to blog as often as i can... *promise*
Count down to my last day..... i just cant wait for it to happen then i can devote all my time at WTO and my degree....
Gonna take part in some kind of exploration quest tomorrow..... with the nice ppl at WTO... hope it'll be fun.... a great bonding session....for all of us!
Baby has been sweet recently... like really nice to me.....spending time with me...and making me feel important...... he's just so cute luh!!!
this is a random post....
Monday, July 14, 2008 || 3:30 PM
我从没有这样的经历。。。
看着一个人慢慢的死去。。。。
我害怕。。。我不想看到一个活人在我面前死去的那一刻。。
那是一种什麽样的情况?
我应该如何反应?
无法想象现在躺在床上的人将无法醒过来。。。
“ 死 ” 我不了解。。。一个人在我面死去是一个我无法承担的恐惧。。。
**********************************************************************
当 mummy 传简讯给我时。。“走了。1:05凌晨”
她躺在病床上的画面还很清晰,而且挥之不去。。。。
**********************************************************************
我不敢问在她去世的前一秒发生了什么事。。。
在喘最后一口气时。。。。。
在喘最后一口气后。。。。
她。。。。
身边的人。。。。。
当时的情况。。。。。。。。。
想知道又不敢问的情况下。。。幻想空间变得无比大。。。
***********************************************************************
人要如何死去才能让身边的人接受?
慢慢的?
突然的?
在爱的人的面前?
在孤独的病房里?
在大马路上?
安详的?
模糊的?
憔悴的?
我不知道。。。。。。。。。。。。应为没有一样我能接受。。。
**********************************************************************
“死”。。。。。它是一个很静态的动词。。。
**********************************************************************
auntie,
愿你一路好走。
***********************************************************************
Thursday, July 10, 2008 || 4:38 PM
updates!!
工作。。。
下个月我将到一个全新的环境。。展开我新的事业版图。。。一转眼,在公关公司上班也已经7个月了。。说长不长。。说短还真不短。 在这里上班, 我学到了很多,得到了很多也看清了很多。。。
学到了课堂上学不到的,面对媒体,应付顾客,处理危机等等。。。都让我在这段日子里获益良多,有了实战经验,感觉比较踏实比较自信。
得到的是一群可爱,善良,有趣和真诚的朋友。。。从不觉得他们是我的同事。。。因为聊的通常和工事无关。。哈哈。。多是生活上,感情上的一些问题。。。是在交心的朋友。。。因为他们的好,工作没有政治。。因为他们的好。。工作没有压力,像小朋友上幼稚园玩耍学习一样。。开心又有意义。也因为他们的好。。我舍不得。。。但我知道。。这群可爱的人。。我要定了!往后再忙也要出来聚一聚。。
工作了六个多月, 从一个没见过世面的毛丫头到今天的我, 可能对很 多人来说我没有太多的改变。。。因为变得是心灵。。老板是“钱”字当头的人,工作久了,发现心灵有些许污染,这不是我要的!!!这不是我要的老板,不是我要学习的对象,不是我未来想要成为的!!!工作的满足因该不止来自月底发薪水的那一刻。。。我不想做无意义的事,我不想十年后的自己往回看时,只是一个为了月底那薪水,每天向机器人似的工作。 我要做得更多,也相信我能做的更多!
新的工作!!!我来也!!!
Thursday, July 3, 2008 || 4:45 PM
He was supposed to be in camp....
but.....at 8:30pm...the best sms came in.."dear can we meet for awhile, at bout 9:30pm at my place later? but i hav 2 be back by 1130."
He rushed like mad to his place...and we hugged like we haven seen each other for years...haha....things couldnt be better than this...
Thanks for coming out and spend that 1 1/2 hour with me....thats what i really needed.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008 || 3:25 PM
想他。。。那种距离我不习惯。。。怎么会习惯。。。
在我脑海中有很多他的画面。。。爆笑的。。。开心的。。。我爱上的。。。伤心的。。。
爆笑的top 3。。。
1。 当他发现流着的血是他的。。。(秘密)
2。他认真的说“打”滚滚””的笑话
3。他人来疯时乱编乱唱的歌
爱上的top3。。。
1。那晚,在游乐场, 他认真又紧张的表白
2。一起去士林夜市,人太多,太挤,他右手抱着我, 左手他挡住人群。
3。半夜睡醒发现我不在怀里时,总会侧身然后伸手抱我。 每一次都这样。
开心的top 3。。。
1。他偷买了一顶我看中却买不下手的运动帽,然后趁我不注意时套在我头上
2。玩ps3 玩到没日没夜。。一过关就跟我 high five!!
3。把水送到我的嘴巴前(用杯子。。)怕我喝不够水。。
伤心的top3。。。
1。他打球时胸部肌肉拉伤,很多事不能做。。。沮丧的背影。。。
2。吵架时不吭一声
3。*秘密*
|| 9:35 AM
我看着电脑。。。不知道要写什么。。。
太久没写了, 脑子突然不灵活。。。
发生了太多事, 心里有太多感觉,一时沉淀不下来。。。
慢慢来吧。。。。