“live this moment”

July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 March 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 October 2010 April 2011 May 2011 July 2011 August 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012

i thought i will be back for good... but well..i was simply too lazy to document my life in this space i call my own. Looking back at my past post, i realised i have been really causal in my words and uses too much ".........." well, i use it like a pause, geddit? *i'm just reassuring myself....so its a question to self...not you. the motivation for this post was "just for the record".... i have been going through so much..so fast...and it is like a blurred dream...a bad dream.... i ought to write it down somehow to prove that it really did happened and not due to my imaginations that i have memories of it. Have you had this before? like you think or imagine hard and long enough that you start to wonder if it really did happened? From my last post, i mentioned my health took a sharp turn, downwards....and it is still the same way...for the record i went to A&E twice in 3 months (nothing to be proud of...) one for awful gastric (the day i got back from japan) and one for awful allergic (which i have no idea of what) which gave me crazy rashes....eugene says i was being paranoid cause no one goes A&E so casually.... just to defend myself a little, for the gastric episode, i was sent to A&E by ambulance....not as a walk in....geddit?! But still i think he has a point, i have a thing about hospital, like they give me a sense of security..... we were considering getting a house at Novena (just some wild thoughts) and my pros were...its closed to Tan Tock Seng, Mt Alvernia, Thomson Medical and KK Hospital =) I just thought it will be useful cause we, human beings are bound to spend time in/at hospitals...... and it is cool that help is so near...so close... wrong?! Another for the record was a drama that happened in the family.. my dad went back malaysia last Monday for Qing Ming and was due to be home on Tuesday evening...things went off the tune when its 2300hrs and he is not home yet. Understanding that my dad left my granny place at 2pm, he should already be home by 6pm and things were worsen by the fact that he didnt carry his mobile phone with him...so at 2300hr, we have no idea where is he and what happened to him. Mum was crazily worried and so we went to the police..... the police wasnt really too helpful when i ask if we can check with the custom is my dad was back in singapore, what he told me was another blurred..... too long and too much for a worried daughter. All i knew was, we had to report him as missing....then slowly things can follow....but to report, we have to first QUEUE.. so many possibilities came to my mind...and most are terrible ones.....i wasnt sure if i was pessimistic or just trying to prepare myself for the worst....its just surreal. Just then my phone rang! Yes, my sis called.....for a second i really wondered what she needs to tell me... she could tell me ..." jie, pa is home..." or something really bad (which i dun know how she will put it across). As i anticipate, she said, "jie, pa take wrong bus and went to KL!". Wonderful! my dad is blur but he is fine. The whole drama ended with us coming home and him telling us how he board the wrong bus, how he cant make a call and how nice the new bus terminal (KL) was.... good job, great adventure, i have a stronger heart now! Work is pain in the arse.... i dun feel motivated....i'm getting bored and feeling a little isolated. Maybe i can just disintergrate into my arm chair and get lost! The feeling i have now....i'm dashing forward and when i look at the surrounding, its moving at slow-motion...s.l.o.w.l.y passing by me.....and i'm frustrated.... its my fault...i'm not blaming anyone.... i'm just unsettled and just not getting the positive vibes from my bosses.... when a boss dun do a thing to you...it might be the worst. Gonna take the leap of faith tomorrow and hope things will just fall nicely into place. I have done all i started out with and have given more than my 100% in every single task =) For the past 2 years, my work has largely define who I am... this gotta stop.

Labels: family, health, work